In last week's article I shared how a recent experience reminded me of some basic relationship lessons. One of those lessons was to talk about what's going on with an outsider to get a fresh perspective.

One reader, Jan, responded by saying, "From my experience, friends don't know how to be objective when you want to bounce relationship problems off them. It's a very rare friend who can truly step aside and ask, 'How certain are you that's the best action for you?'

Jan added that she doesn't think it's a good idea to seek guidance from someone who has an emotional, personal investment in you.

She is right in many ways. Although friendships are essential to our well being and happiness, friends aren't always the best source of impartial advice when it comes to relationships. Friends and family often care too deeply to give impartial advice or to listen in a way that can help us figure out what we need to do.

I suggest you seek a relationship professional, such as therapist or a coach as the outsider to help you through your relationship stumbling blocks. When it comes to solving relationship problems, changing behaviors, or learning new ways of being single or in a relationship, professional help is simply essential. Yet most people still resist getting that professional support, as if getting help somehow means admitting they are inadequate or not smart enough to figure it out themselves.

Here is information you need to know: If you are single and can't seem to end up in a good relationship; if you are dating, but can't seem to make your relationship work right; if you are in a long-term relationship that keeps leaving you frustrated or worse, you need to get help from a relationship professional.

If, for example, you needed help figuring out the law, taxes, or real estate, you wouldn't hesitate to find a professional. In many ways, healthy relationship behaviors that will lead to fulfilling relationships are as unknown to us as taxes, real estate, and law. We are not educated on how to have good healthy relationships. There aren't classes on relationships that everyone is required to take in order to graduate from high school or college. There are no relationship theory and practice books as required reading during our formal education.

So when your relationship gets into trouble, as it almost enviably will, how are you supposed to resolve that trouble yourself if you simply don't know much about good relationships? Your problem-solving skills are only as good as the accurate information you have, and if your information is missing or wrong, you will come up with the wrong answers more relationship choices that will leave you feeling unloved and unhappy.

Yes, widely available relationship books and classes are a great introduction and continued education on how to have a healthy relationship. But the value of getting professional relationship support goes much further than information.

A good relationship therapist or a coach will see behaviors, patterns, beliefs and choices you live and make, of which you are not aware and which lead you to relationships you don't want to be in. A good therapist or coach will lead you to figure these out for yourself and learn workable, healthy alternatives to ultimately give you what you want true love.

Perhaps if the word therapy did not have such a stigma attached to it more people would get relationship support. Perhaps if coaching weren't called coaching more people would get support from a relationship coach. Let's call both of these relationship education, with the professionals being called relationship educators.

A word of caution: Just like any other professional, not all therapists and coaches are a good fit for you or your relationship education needs. Be sure to extensively interview professionals, and try them out to see if they can do the kind of work you want and need to do. The good news is that now most health insurance covers therapy, and coaching although expensive can often be effective quite rapidly.

I am suggesting that if you truly want to have a lifelong, happy, healthy relationship, you need to get educated by a professional relationship educator frequently and well. Then supplement personal education with other material, such as books, classes and seminars.

Look for more information in my upcoming e-book, "Getting Professional Relationship Help: When and How to Choose a Relationship Therapist or Coach."

"(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"