I have a friend who is exceptionally smart and very well versed in the language of pop
psychology. He is excellent at giving advice and is almost always right on. The
problem is, his relationships don't work at all. Even though he knows many theories
about how relationships and people work, he does not know how to or cannot apply the
information to his own life.
There is a gap between what comes out of his mouth and what shows up in his life.
There is a gap between what his relationship
partners hear from him and what they
experience once in an intimate relationship
Does this sound like you or someone you know? Does it sound like you just a little
Here is a secret. This sounds just like most of us. It is easy to learn and
understand and retain information. But to change our behaviors according to the
information we learned, that is another problem entirely.
With behavior changes come feelings, memories, thoughts, and more feelings. Then
comes the voice in our head that says something like, "I don't want to make changes,"
or, "It's too much hassle," or, "It won't work anyway -- I won't get what I want."
Here is an even worse one, experienced by my friend. He knows a lot about people's
problems, patterns, and issues. But, he cannot see the same problems, patterns, and
issues in his own behavior. Not that he doesn't want to or would not want to see; but
that he simply does not.
Ok, so what do you do when you read, in this newsletter for example, about some
change or shift to implement in relationships. What do you do if it sounds like great
advice but seems too hard to do? Or what do you do when it sounds like great advice
for a friend, yet people have repeatedly told you that you need to take this same
How do you go from knowledge to seeing what you need to change about your
patterns, behavior, etc., and then actually changing it?
Ok, dare I say it...enroll in an eclass from me. No, wait, that's self-promotion. :-)
But seriously, the trick is in this:
· Listen to feedback around you. If many people or the same people keep repeating the
same message about you, or if the same message keeps showing up, take the hint. It's
very likely something you need to deal with.
· Walk your talk. Don't let something come out of your mouth unless you are
absolutely sure you are living the thing you are speaking. This will force you to be
more aware of how you are living and force you to make changes that you ultimately
· Learn the same information over and over and over again. The more you expose
yourself to it, the deeper it will sink in.
· Finally, do more than read and listen to information. Find a way to embody it, to
bring it down through your body. One way is writing about what you are learning.
Another is by finding ways to have another perspective on yourself, your
relationships or singlehood.
· Ok, are you ready? Here comes self promotion again. :-) If you were to enroll in my
eClasses, you would find they are written to open up something inside you that was
not open before. The eClasses are designed to help you see into yourself and create
the change you want. Advice Central Advice Categories & ArticlesBrowse Countries |
Categories Doc Love: Advice For Men The dating
Wizard Double Your Success dating
Revenge Lady Advice Ask Advice Sister Alison Dr. Dennis Neder Don Diebel Tips Rinatta
Dynamics Lisa Daily: Stop Getting Dumped! Nancy Fagan: Expert Love
Advice Ask April: High Voltage Blonde 1st Pickup Lines Advice Ask Rob Feature Guest
Articles Check Your Free Email Movie & Book Reviews Link Partner Sites
Rinatta Paries Feature Articles: How to Write an Online Personal Ad to Attract a
Breakup Survival Guide
How To Open Up While Staying Safe
Strategies For dating
Bringing Romance Back
Online Personal Ads
10 Ways To Blow Your relationship
Single And Happy
Principles of Being a Love Magnet
Acceptance: The Answer to Your Relationships
How We Affect Each Other's Lives
When Your Partner Runs, Part 1, 2 & 3
Surviving The Pain Of Being Alone
The Seven+ Signs You Should Run (not walk) from Your Partner
What Makes Love Last?
and Long-Term relationship
How to Have Happy Holidays
Is Being Single a Disease?
True Love Magnet Quiz
What to Give Up To Attract Love
Relationships And Growth
How Not to Blow It In A New relationship
A New Article Every Thursday
Bottom line -- it's your relationships. If you know a lot and are great at giving
advice, but your relationship
experience leaves something to be desired,
you need to bridge the gap between information and action. Action is where growth is.
And growth always, always leads to more happiness.
Coach, Rinatta Paries
"(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
posted on Tuesday, July 06, 2004 11:02 PM